The Story of Dick
This is the account of the worst human being alive! Nothing below is drawn up or exaggerated. These are all real evil deeds of a real evil man. I hope that you have some funny comments or can share some horrible stories. Enjoy my misery!!!
For the past three years "Dick", the head of my department, has demeaned me with every chance he gets. He once had a secretary call me and request that I come to a conference room to "help" carry documents back up to his office. When I arrived, Dick waved to me from the elevator empty handed. He regularly walks over to my cube to ask me to print something out for him. In that time he could have walked to the printer himself. Quite often in front of my colleagues, Dick will inform me that I am to help him clean off his desk. He has publicly embarrassed me by referring to me as his administrative assistant when I am a senior level accountant and the fastest advancing employee in the history of the department. One day after I printed out 70 copies of 50 page tax returns (that I compiled mind you!) for his meeting, Dick went out to lunch and brought me back his leftovers as a thank you. When I told him how despicably disrespectful that was, he said, "You're too sensitive." Every year he has asks me to calculate the bonus threshold for all the executives of the entire company. I make less than 6Ok annually and do not bonus.
When in meetings Dick talks to me like I'm a dog. My last meeting he patted on the chair and said, "Sit!" When I said, "I am not a dog. Do not speak to me that way." He told me on the way back that I have a real attitude problem that needs adjusting. Oh and this meeting was basically introductions for farming me out to another department on a temporary assignment. I didn't receive any kickbacks for the weeks of extra work. In my presence, Dick informed the manager that he was doing this to save on labor.
Once during a meeting Dick noticed me working with a pretty young girl. As a result he sent me to search the entire building for our IT Technician in order to get Internet access in the conference room. He informed me, and everyone else, that he would steal my chair before I returned. Before I left upon my quest, I told him to take it because she and I were finished, and that I would be returning to my desk. He replied, "I have you booked for the entire day. You will sit here in silence if you are done." I returned and sat there staring at him for 20 minutes. After growing tired of the discomfort, he asked the pretty girl if she was finished working with me and then said, "You are dismissed." I went into his office afterwords and told him how shocked and appalled I was at this humiliation. He told me as he arrogantly chuckled, "You are young so I may as well tell you this now. The boss always wins. Choose your battles carefully."
Above all else, he has put his hand on my leg on two separate occasions. The first time it happened immediately after complimenting my "muscular physique" as I bent over to pick something up. I sat down next to him in order continue reviewing his my work, and the next thing I know his hand was on my thigh. I knocked his hand off and made no mention as I was way too freaked out. The second time, it just so happened to land on my thigh again. I said, "DUDE! WUD-A-YA DOIN'?" He replied, "Oh that. It was an accident. Come on! You know I'm not gay. Don't get so freaked out." I've since considered using this as leverage, but think I have passed my statute of limitations since the first incident was in 2009 and the second in 2010.
I have stood my ground on countless occasions, and just said "no" so much, that sometimes I question whether or not I'm being uncooperative...and I shouldn't! When this happens, more often than not he will take a step back and come up with some other way to demean me in the next few days. He is clever too. He'll word it in a way that sounds somewhat reasonable, but then I have to remember that this is what makes him tick.
I don't share this feeling sorry myself. I have a bright future ahead of me, a beautiful girlfriend, good looks, and good health. In all honesty, I feel sorry for what he needs to do in order to justify his miserable existence. I pity him...but that doesn't mean I wouldn't jump on the opportunity to have him canned! The effin' bum!